I hope you’re doing well, hanging in there during quarantine. What a crazy time. While it doesn’t seem like it, everything will get better. I promise.
I want to tell you about the year ahead and what’s to come. But first, I want to start with what’s to come during quarantine. First, because I can’t wait to talk about this, you’re going to discover some GOOD music! And I’m so happy you did!!! By now, you have probably already listened to The Marías and Ari Lennox, and I just want to say that I still listen to them (now in April of 2021) almost every other day. So I’m glad you decided to dive into their music. Keep finding good music. We both know how important music is to you (us?) so I want you to keep finding new music.
I’m going to be honest with you because I know where you’re at mentally right now. I know being home so much might suck, especially still sharing the room with Thomas. Don’t let him get to you. In the coming year, you’ll make a couple breakthroughs with him (and lots and lots of fights) but it’s important that you remain patient. I know how hard it is, trust me, but you have to be the bigger person. I know it sucks a lot, but you are strong and you can do it.
You don’t know it yet, but your new room is coming! I know you and Mami have talked about it a lot but I promise you it’s actually coming. It’s gorgeous. The walls are a rich forest green with a rich dark wood floor. I have less than two weeks of school left now and once I move back home, I’ll be able to move everything from the current room into our new room so just know that it’s coming.
I know how alone you feel right now. I know how you hate being stuck at home because of this. How you love everyone at home but after so much time, it starts to get tiring. It sucks because I know we both know it’s really just Thomas bringing you down every day. But I know how sad you get, babe. I know how you barely talk to Mandi and Lyss now because of a couple reasons. Mandi has her first serious boyfriend now and she’s always with him, and now you can’t even see either of them really because of quarantine. Mandi’s your best friend but it’s going to feel like she’s not really there. She’s a terrible texter, so don’t take it too much to heart when she’s not there when you really need her. You’re really going to need her some nights, and she just won’t be there. She’ll text back hours later with “Hey, everything okay?” after you said something like, “Are you busy? I’m kind of going through it right now” while you were sobbing and trying to catch your breath but really struggling to do so. I’m sorry you have to go through that. It does get better though. For now, just hold onto Dania and Jess. You know they are always there for you. They really are the best sisters you could ask for. We both know that’s true. And, you might have an inkling about this, but you’re going to hang out so much with Dania over quarantine! As close as you two already are, you only get even closer. I’m talking every night when you come home from work, you change and go straight to her room. She’s going to get you hip to some TV shows you’ll really like, you’re both going to show each other lots of new music,
you’re going to go on a lot of coffee shop runs together and just hang out all the time! You’re going to reach a new level of friendship with Dania.
Sophomore year has been alright. I’m not gonna lie, it kind of sucks right now. Lots of fake friends. You’re going to come to realize that. I just recently did. But you have a real one you can hold onto. Max has got your back. You’re going to feel alone and sad again, but don’t worry about that just yet. Continue to do what you’re doing because, in light of everything, I love the person I have become today. And I’ll tell you that you are in the middle of changing right now. You might not believe me but it’s true. You are not the same person as you were when you first started school at Salve. And if you ask me, I’m almost a completely different person than when I first started at Salve! But I love it. I’m different for the better. And I think quarantine helped that happen somehow. Who would have thought something good would come from this terrible time? But you’re going to be so confident in the next year coming, wearing high heels like you never have but have always wanted to, going out with make up on (yes, out, in public! and everyone will eat it up!!), and not caring about what anybody else thinks. Hold onto that. Worry about yourself, babe. Stop worrying about what other people think. You’ve spent way too much time stressing about that. I’m not completely carefree yet, as I still get nervous sometimes about what people might think about me, but I’ll tell you I’m way more carefree than I was before! So, look forward to that. Maybe start moving towards that now!
I’ll let you go now though. I just gave you so much to think about. It’s hard right now, but keep channeling that towards things you love. You’re going to write some amazing poetry during this time!!! And try to keep writing in that journal! This next year is going to be wild. You’re really going to find yourself and find that passion for who you are in the next year. I am so proud of you for that. You’ve come so far.
I love you so much. I’m always here for you.