Dear Loyal Bullseye Customers,
We hope you are well and healthy. During these unprecedented times, we are aiming to keep you happy, healthy, and safe as you continue to shop. Get it? Aiming? Bullseye? Sometimes you just need a laugh. I am writing as CEO to tell you the precautions we are taking to ensure optimum shopping experiences as you wander our aisles in search for toilet paper. Please read our six points.
One: Please follow the red arrows on the floor in a neat fashion. They are for your safety and imagination. Pretend you are packman if you please, but kindly follow the arrows.
Two: All associates will be required to wear masks while in stores, as well as customers. Halloween masks do not count (we have seen it all). *NOTE* If you see The Phantom of the Opera in store #37782 in the Lincoln area, please tip security as this is a frequent shopper and his/her mask does not cover the entire nose and mouth. Thank you.
Three: Carriages are sprayed with cleaning products after every use. Please do not take Lysol from our shelves to clean your carriage, children, or personal items.
Four: Tide Pods will be moved to the upper shelves to keep out of reach of children. Eating a Tide Pod will not kill COVID-19 and could result in serious injury.
Five: Stay six feet apart at all times. Anyone who should feel the need to cough or sneeze should either A) Refrain from shopping and/or leaving their home, or B) Do so outside the store to lessen the spread of germs.
Six: All customers should abide by the toilet paper limit (Two rolls per person). This is for the good of public health. Anyone seen purchasing more than two will be brought to the pharmacy and given a Pepto-Bismol sample to ensure individual health.
As always, we appreciate your loyalty and AIM for customer satisfaction. Here at Bullseye, shopping is safe, and these regulations are firmly enforced. We thank you for your cooperation and hope that you and your families are well.